Taking a back seat

This tuesday Dennis is flying to Brazil on is well earned and long awaited first trip abroad by himself. He's worked so hard to earn the money and he has researched the place for the best places to party with his friend. He's still only 16 and it's a testiment to his maturity and level of responsibility, as well as a measure of the boundless trust Joyce has in her children that he's allowed to go at all. Dennis is the kind of kid who can get in trouble anywhere, so perhaps it really doesn't matter where he is when the sh.t hit's the fan?

He's flying on tuesday on Peru and has a nine hour layover there. He told his mom: "No way am I going to spend 9 hours on an airport, I'm going to party in Peru". Unfortunately for him, he needs permission from his mom, on paper, to do that. A permission that wasn't forthcoming, as Joyce had visions of Dennis lost in Peru. Remember, this is the same boy that took over four hours to make a two hour traintrip.

At first the plan was for me and Joyce to see him off. Make a nice day out of it, go to Amsterdam, wander around the most exciting city in Europe. However, Chris asked if he could come along to see his brother off. Just to clue you in on the background of that request: Chris and Dennis were at war with each other the first two years after the divorce. They have sorta pulled together a bit when Eric moved in, but it's been a armed stand off however and Chris volunteering to see his brother off is a step towards a more relaxed sense of comradship that Joyce is trying to instill in the boys. A long and arduous process...

Well, me and Chris don't get along very well so when Chris found out I'd be coming he told his mother: "Never mind, I'm not going". Now, I would love to spend a day in Amsterdam with the woman I love, who wouldn't? But this was a family thing, important for both the boys. I may be their stepparent (allthough they would vehemently oppose the very thought) but they are brothers. They need each other, brothers are special, like a companion that stays with you throughout your life.

I withdrew myself for the day in Amsterdam. Their brotherly love needs all the nourishment it can get and me and Joyce can go to Amsterdam another time. I hope they have a nice time, I'll see Joyce the day after that so she can stress out about whether Dennis has made his connection in Peru, and I get to hold her and tell her that the boy is fine wherever he is and wouldn't call even when he was in the country so what makes her think he's going to remember to call her now? It'll be great fun!

(the picture is painted by Frans Koppelaar)

Send your children forth into the world

My stepchildren are an adventurous lot. They have an urge to travel that reminds me of my own youth. I knew from the time I was about 12 that I was going to live in Colorado at one point and this came to be when I was 19. It was an important experience in my life to have travelled abroad. It gave me a different perspective on the world, or rather, it opened up the possibility for other worldviews, other paradigms about what being human was all about. I truly believe that it's an essential part of a youngsters education to spend at least a year abroad, learn different customs, culture and modes of thinking from the inside out.

The world is my oyster
Joyce's oldest son, Joseph, lives in Ibiza and has chosen to make this his permanent residence. He also travelled to such places as Brazil and Portugal to perform in major fireshows or to create his art for festivals. Travelling extensively is an accepted practise with Joyce's family and Eric is all set to travel the world come August after his exams. Him and his girlfriend are going to Marakesh, Albania and the Fiji Islands, to name just a few of the places they are hoping to visit. They intend to work as farmhands to earn their keep. They've been staring at the worldmap for months, looking for the places they want to go, planning to be at as many festivals as they can manage.

Brazil
Dennis wants to go to Brazil after his midterms, which is where my girlfriend get's a bit antsy. He's 16 and while in principle she is fully committed to having her sons live in the freedom to seek out new experiences, to experiment and take their lives to whereever they want to take it, in actual practise this has meant that Dennis has come very close to death a couple of times allready and she worries about what happens when/if he travels to Brazil. Even with her misgivings she will allow him to go. He's working really hard on his job and his studies to make it happen. He's got it all planned out, he has an friend there, a Brazillian boy who is on an educational exchange and has lived in Holland for most of this year. He'll be visiting him and spend some time travelling Brazil with him. Rainforests, Rio de Janeiro, snakes and spiders, so much for a mother to worry about, in particular since this is the same boy who can't seem to hang on to his keys for more than a month and loses his cellphone often enough for the insurance package to make sense. His chaos drives her bananas! This kid travelling Brazil? A scary thought...

All the birds flying the coop
This summer also, Chris will spend a few weeks at least at his fathers. This means that for the first time since Joseph was born, Joyce is going to be without children. It also means that we get to have a summerholiday together. Her first taste of the famous empty nest syndrom, I'll be curious to see what that does for her, how she copes with all her children having left home for an extended period of time. All in all this summer is going to be an interesting journey for all of us.