When are you going to get divorced?

As a step mom I have a difficult time with Chris. We seem to rub each other the wrong way, more often than not. I like to have my own space, a tidy little niche where I have my stuff whenever I am here. I live here part-time and I'm finding out that I am pretty set in my ways. This doesn't always go over very well with Chris.

He goes out of his way to make me feel unwelcome sometimes, which I can understand from the mixed up mess of loyalties that children of divorce feel when confronted with their mom's new partner. But that's the theory: In practice it get's a old pretty fast.

Yesterday Chris asked Joyce and me: "When are you going to get divorced?" We're not married but the message was clear. Our answer was very telling as well: "When we get sick and tired of being together". As far as I can see that's not likely to happen, allthough I do keep that option open because I've made and broken the promise of "forever" once allready, I'm not one for making the same mistake over and over. Chris is a bright kid who can read between the lines and between the lines it read loud and clear that Joyce left her exhusband because she got sick and tired of being with him.

Today we had a run in with each other. He had eaten my bag of potato chips and I told him he'd owe me a new one. I neglected to put this in a nice tone of voice, say please and thank you. I guess I'd call my tone "accusatory". I'm not always patient, so sue me. Anyway, he got pissed off at me for my tone of voice and rightfully so. But that's not what he said, instead he told one of his friends that I don't live here. He got in under my radar with that one. That hurt.

I guess I should be adult about it and apologize for my tone of voice and reiterate that he owes me a bag of chips. Or maybe just apologize. I'm glad he's gone to play soccer with his friends, I'm not ready to apologize. I'm just a little to ticked off for that.

Send your children forth into the world

My stepchildren are an adventurous lot. They have an urge to travel that reminds me of my own youth. I knew from the time I was about 12 that I was going to live in Colorado at one point and this came to be when I was 19. It was an important experience in my life to have travelled abroad. It gave me a different perspective on the world, or rather, it opened up the possibility for other worldviews, other paradigms about what being human was all about. I truly believe that it's an essential part of a youngsters education to spend at least a year abroad, learn different customs, culture and modes of thinking from the inside out.

The world is my oyster
Joyce's oldest son, Joseph, lives in Ibiza and has chosen to make this his permanent residence. He also travelled to such places as Brazil and Portugal to perform in major fireshows or to create his art for festivals. Travelling extensively is an accepted practise with Joyce's family and Eric is all set to travel the world come August after his exams. Him and his girlfriend are going to Marakesh, Albania and the Fiji Islands, to name just a few of the places they are hoping to visit. They intend to work as farmhands to earn their keep. They've been staring at the worldmap for months, looking for the places they want to go, planning to be at as many festivals as they can manage.

Brazil
Dennis wants to go to Brazil after his midterms, which is where my girlfriend get's a bit antsy. He's 16 and while in principle she is fully committed to having her sons live in the freedom to seek out new experiences, to experiment and take their lives to whereever they want to take it, in actual practise this has meant that Dennis has come very close to death a couple of times allready and she worries about what happens when/if he travels to Brazil. Even with her misgivings she will allow him to go. He's working really hard on his job and his studies to make it happen. He's got it all planned out, he has an friend there, a Brazillian boy who is on an educational exchange and has lived in Holland for most of this year. He'll be visiting him and spend some time travelling Brazil with him. Rainforests, Rio de Janeiro, snakes and spiders, so much for a mother to worry about, in particular since this is the same boy who can't seem to hang on to his keys for more than a month and loses his cellphone often enough for the insurance package to make sense. His chaos drives her bananas! This kid travelling Brazil? A scary thought...

All the birds flying the coop
This summer also, Chris will spend a few weeks at least at his fathers. This means that for the first time since Joseph was born, Joyce is going to be without children. It also means that we get to have a summerholiday together. Her first taste of the famous empty nest syndrom, I'll be curious to see what that does for her, how she copes with all her children having left home for an extended period of time. All in all this summer is going to be an interesting journey for all of us.